Hi, I'm Chris

He is the man with no name, and yet they still call him Chris, Boy Wonder, Child of Back Woods and Internet, Man of Interest. They find him carving with his sweet action Benchmade, or restaurant hopping followed by discussions on the merits of a good sear and actionable knife skills, or drinking deeply of the existential angst circumscribed about the hubris of his species, or even cruising down the street in his one two. By day he structures, styles, and scripts. By night, he cooks, cleans, and jams.

Chris was not raised by your desert creatures. Chris doesn't need your ribbons, medals, and trophies, your accolades, attention, or approbation. Chris doesn’t care if you don’t like his selective, eclectic musical tastes or his unquenchable thirst for quality documentaries. Chris will talk to you about anything, including but not limited to rental markets in Alabama, the best way to pour a carbonated beverage into glass, the best way section grapefruit for human consumption, or how you really need to treat your personal information security more seriously and use a password manager or something, among other things. Chris will ask you tell him more.

Chris knows what it means to ride through the desert on a horse with no name, as Chris himself also feels it’s good to get out of the rain. Chris can keyboard shortcut you under the table, you featherweight. Chris knows the balance of a good framing hammer, the crash of breaking glass, the trickle of blood, the clink of swag, and the screech of tires, followed by the screaming of sirens (though not together, not in that particular order, and mostly from the talkies). Chris knows his port from his starboard and his droit from his gauche but only in his dashing coureur-du-bois Quebecois. Chris knows the heft of a quality spoon and the tells of a deciduous tree before the storm. Chris knows fine chocolates. Chris knows what it means to live in a tent.

"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua," he says. "Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat." How true that is.

Who is Chris? Chris is the silhouette on the ridge, the minnow trap in the creek, and the cuddly baby tapir. He is the quiet but serviceable napkin at your friend’s place setting and the little voice that tells you to avail yourself of the facilities before you retire for the night. Chris is the shopvac that drains the swamp that has become your basement after your water heater leaks and the crazy nuthatch that runs head first down trees. Who is Chris? Chris is the man. The myth. The legend.

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